It's My Life...

Check me out

Mansion in the suburbs, wardrobe to die for, job as a famous movie star and a hobbie as a tattoo artist. Choices to vacate to Paris, China or Egypt. I have my collection of ancient relics from distant lands. I am a professional artist, writer, sculptor and inventor. I'm young, rich, thin, and have my own...unicorn???? Damn. Knew it was too good to be true.
Now that my computer self is more attractive, successful and talented then me I wallow in self pity, count my losses, review my wasted time and retreat into bed with a tub of Ben and Jerry's looking into a mirror shouting 'you suck'....We'll we've all been there after a game of...

Yes, that's right. The Sims had to come up in my reviews somewhere. This game is the bane of my life. Many an hour I have spent in front of my screen working out the easiest way to give my Sim the best life she could possibly have when ironically I should have been doing that in my actual life. Instead I make minimum wage, living in shared accommodation while my avatar self is living in a three story house as evil ruler of the world. Nice.

Now what makes Sims 3 stand out from its pre-assessor's is the sheer vastness of free will you have. No more load screens just to walk to the shops or dodgy taxi cut scenes. Now you just walk out the door and into town without so much as a 'screen loading' cog. You have a lot more choice in personality, style, jobs, which makes our Sims scarily realistic. OK I'm getting a head so let me start back at the Sim making process.

When making a Sim in the previous games you could modify the face and weight but only to a certain limit. Now you have a lot more subtle changes and the body also has muscle definition and boob size...FREAKING BOOB SIZE. At last the bumpy, big bum and boob combo I've been waiting for.

There is a large collection of clothes and accessories but I always seem to go for the 'Egyptian Pirate' look. I know, so much choice and I always pick the same thing. True to life I'd say.

There I am. I know, sickening how much better she looks. Oh well. My choice I guess. I could have made her a poor, overweight narcissist.

The Sims personality's have also gotten more complex. I have to say, even though I'm not the tidiest of people I always make my Sim 'neat' so when you click on her, it will come up with 'clean house' and she will do everything that needs to be done. Sorted. I also always feel guilty if I make her perfect because let's face it, I'm really not, so I give her my biggest downfall. Clumsiness. (I'm sure people who know me are now nodding their heads). Giving the Sim a fault or two just makes them more human and more interesting for the player. Maybe next time I'll go further and make her shy, or lonely or a loser (*wipes a truth telling tear)

I have also installed Sims 3 Pets and though I haven't played it long I can tell you I absolutely freaking love my cats. Compared to the Sims 2 Pets they have a lot more personality and they have a bigger free will to hunt, play and be a cutey wooty smeegy smoogy woochy woo.............i love cats......

I have yet to own any other pet as I have had to reinstall this bastard several times but if the cats are anything to go by, the rest will be just as rewarding.

Something the creators caught onto was the amount of Sim deaths that were encountered. They must have because in Sims you couldn't get out of the pool unless you had stairs resulting in inevitable drowning and now our Sims are jumping out of the pool like bloody athletes. It's OK. Just means we have to work harder with our plotting.

Over the years EA have wowed fans with the ever changing, expanding and improving of the game, but I have to admit the more realistic it gets, the harder it is too keep up with everything. There is so much to do and I don't want to miss out on anything but after a while you forget what you need to do and ultimately get bored of the game. It goes into a dark cupboard or on a dusty shelf for a couple of months and then you say 'I feel to play the Sims'. You have to get every box you  own, reinstall them, download anything you bought from the on line store and then start the whole thing again until the Sims 4 comes out and the Sims 3 goes away with the Sims and The Sims 2 taking up more of your much needed storage. Its a great game.

Overall, I do like this game. Its fun and lets your imagination run free. But be sure to have a spare few hours for it. It's taken me a whole day just to build the house I so desired. Goth glam (with a hint of lavender)

I could write so so SO much more but I would end up spending my whole night writing about it, then dreaming about it and ultimately killing myself. Happy days.

I give this game a Gothic Salute. Now go children. Your oh so much better future awaits...or you could just trap them in a room and let them starve to death. Players choice >^^<

Oi! Teacher....

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What the hell am I talking about. You will only know, get annoyed by, then come to love this melodic theme music if you have played

I played this game a long time ago and when browsing through my x-box market, this caught my eye and all could remember was how much I enjoyed this game.

The first thing I have to praise about it is value for money. I'm finding a lot of story based games now are finishing really quickly with an unsatisfactory ending leaving you to collect missing items and finish side missions. Bully on the other hand is five chapters of nothing but missions. Its like a school version of GTA. What I like about this sort of mission based game is every mission adds something to the story and you can't move on with the story until all the current missions are complete.

The story is based around a boy called Jimmy Hopkins. Jimmy has been kicked out of every school he's ever attended so his mother drops him off at Bullworth Academy, a school known for it's troubled students, to set him right.

Whilst there Jimmy gets to know the place and the various 'clicks' that attend there. There are the bullies, the preps, the nerds, the jocks and the greasers. Each group doesn't associate with the others and all fight to be on top making the school a battle ground of popularity.

 Amongst it all Jimmy finds Gary, a loner who spends his days plotting and torturing his only 'friend' Pete.

The first chapter of the game is a huge tutorial, with Gary asking you to help him with tasks and pranks to play on unsuspecting students and teachers. By the end of the chapter you realise it was all so Gary could give you a bad reputation throughout the school and make everyone hate you. The aim of the game...get Gary. The method...get the students of Bullworth on your side again.

Each group is very defined from the clothes they wear to the way they speak. Within each group every person is defined too. There isn't just one or two main characters then the rest are clone copies of each other with slight differences like some games. You get to know every character and help them out in some way. Even the kids not in a group have there own personalities.

I have to say out of them all I love the preps. With their inter-breeding and webbed toes these boxing loving dimwits are very entertaining.

In between missions, like real school you have to take classes which become a real test of knowledge for the player. Seriously, when I had to put the correct flags around Asia and Europe I questioned my entire Geography education, but to be fair I haven't taken that class in...twelve years. Also as someone who is numerically dyslexic I was extremely proud to pass the math classes. Pat on back for me. Needless to say, with each test passed you receive a reward such as new weapons or social upgrades.

Once out of the school you can visit the entire town which leads to shops, meeting the group of townies and going to my favourite place, the carnival. You can go on rides, play games and see the politically incorrect 'freak' show. Trust me, boxing midgets and fat bearded ladies. PC supporters of the world UNITE!

One thing unavoidable in this game is the sexual tension...let me finish. Any girl you meet eventually falls in love with you and will make out with you at the drop of  a thong. Also this game is not prudish and knows how times have moved on so each click comes with its own homosexual member that you can make out with to gain back health. Well school was a time of finding out who you are, why not here too.

There are little touches in this game that makes it really fun to watch. For example as your playing the last Prep mission it starts to snow and when chapter three begins its winter and the whole map on the start screen goes from green to white. Its not just a straight switch from sunny to WINTER. There is a natural transaction.

Also the music is fantastic. With every action you do, if its riding your bike or being chased by a gang the music changes to complement the mood.

I like the message this game brings across as well. Jimmy may seem just a bad kid but all he wants to do is get by in life and he wont hurt anyone unless he feels they deserve it. OK not the best message to send out to the next leaders of our country but its nice to play a character whose not beating up people just for the hell of it.

There is so much more I can write but you'll get more out of it if you play it. The main problem I have with this game is it reminds me too much of MY school. There was never a week without some sort of emergency services visiting. Ah childhood traumas. Where would we be today without them?

So as always this game deserves a Gothic salute and remember... these are the best years of your life...yeah right. >^^<

Pimp my Bitch Up

So you're waking down the street in the sickening new clothes you've just bought and now you need a car to steal. Suddenly a smart car pulls up and two guys dressed in mascot costumes jump out. They start shooting at you forcing you to leg it round a corner. Next thing you know a rival gangs car skids in front of you and as well as them firing at you, some huge dude with a flame thrower jumps out and chases you at ridiculous speeds. As your running away a cop copter flies over head and fires missiles at you making you dodge and sprint for your life like never before. At last you find a gun shop you own and as soon as your in the door it all goes away and nothing but the faint sound of sirens are in the air. Smug you step out ready for your next mission, only to be slapped in the face with a giant purple dildo.
You must be playing...

You might be thinking that intro is slightly exaggerated for affect but that just means you don't know this game. I must admit I have not played the first game of its series but I played 'Saints Row 2' and knew I had to buy the third.

The Thirds game-play is a lot like the seconds with same controls, near enough same weapons, cars and fighting style but the plot is hugely different. At first I preferred the seconds as I felt it was more sinister and interesting but as the third went on I was very much mistaken. Zombies, toilet avatar, huge naked Russian guy. I don't want to spoil it but these words alone will make you think 'ok, I'll try it'.

This game continues from the second. The Saint's now own the city. They are celebrity's in there own rights and own everything from a drink brand to clothing. But as with all good gang based games someone else wants what they can't have and start f**king it up with unethical means. As well as same setting a lot of the same characters are back such as Pierce and Shaundi with a few new ones that can be called upon as backup and a few surprise characters too. Check out who is the Mayor of the city. Legend.

I love the menu screen for this game. It's basically a smart phone so you are able to call for back up, check your GPS for locations and control your income from the shops and buildings you own. Its easy to use and very well thought out.

Also the character builder was far more superior to the other game. Without meaning to I created a grey skinned vampire bitch (like I say, it was an accident but a happy one). I was very happy to hear for the male voices they still have the cockney Londoner which was my favourite and my next play through I will definitely be using.

When it came to customising the character I was disappointed with the small range of tattoos available. You would hope there was something new in each 'Rusty Needle' and please let me know if I'm wrong but from what I could see they were all the same. Boo. Also I am aware that to help with your rep score its good to change your clothes for a fresh look but once I got my long coat, corset, hot pants, fishnets and leather boots, I couldn't find anything that came close to a 'my kind of  style' look. My favourite part of the outfit however was the anime kitty backpack. It was funny to see this cold hearted bitch gunning people down with a cat waving its arms behind her. Give it a go, it will make you smile.

The mini games were much easier in this game, I feel, compared to the last game. I love the new addition of Professor Genki. There's still a couple of the old favourites like escort and trail blazing but they now have interesting twists, just one example, now as well as escorting friends you have to see how long you last escorting a tiger...yes a tiger. I love it.

Another difference from the last game is you get several chances to pick which way the game goes so it can be played more then once which I think is good value for money.

The cars in this game are pretty much like the old game with new names and looks but the best vehicles by far are the ones you get after the 'http://deckers.die' mission which is the Wraith (car) and the X-2 Phantom (bike). They are Tron style transport that not only look and sound good but handle so well. I'm not the bast at driving in games but you can really feel the difference in these two and could happily just drive around town all day.

If this game leave you wanting more, fear not as there has been announced a DLC coming soon called 'Enter the Dominatrix' and if you have a read of whats to come, the prospect of 'super powers' is very tempting along with more clothes.

Apart form a few glitches that prevented me from completing certain missions, having me start that mission again, this was an entertaining game and will bring out your ghetto side...if you have one. If not, like me, then the side that enjoys shooting guys in the balls when they try to take away your kick ass bike. I give this game a Gothic salute. >^^<

Bigger...but Better?

"Only you can make this world seem right / Only you can make the darkness bright / Only you and you alone can thrill me like you do / and fill my heart with love for only you..." - The Joker

After the success of 'Batman, Arkham Asylum' Rocksteady Studios create another fantastic dark and Gothic story about our favourite DC Comics hero including a whole new plot, selection of active characters and more gadgets to don on the good old utility belt. This my friends is...

This game is set six months after the first game. The basic plot is Joker and the other villains have once again escaped the asylum and are creating chaos all over Arkham City. The Joker still has Titen inside his system and its slowly killing him. Knowing you have no reason to help him, Joker gives Batman a deadly injection of Titen and now you are condemned to the same fate, unless you find a cure...

In the last game you got to read a lot of character bios but never get to interact with many of the villains. This time you get to battle Mr Freeze, be challenged by the Riddler via video link and confront a host of other memorable characters with great cut scenes which are accompanied by engaging dialogue.

For me the best part of this game is you can play as Catwoman who has her own separate story from Batman, involving Two-Face (Harvey Dent). With the game play Catwoman is no where near as resilient as Batman but her speed and agility are very high and when running across the huge city, she can scale tall buildings and jump at an impressive distance. This however doesn't compare to Batmans soring ability's.

Combat, like the last game is easy and makes you look like a fighting wizard but they have put in some special moves which on some enemies is the only way to stop them from blocking or to disarm them and when you have ten of the buggers on top of you who has time to press B-A-A-X whilst getting the right direction AND trying not to knock out the green guy with the Riddler's secrets (Play the game and you'll know what I mean).

My criticism for this game, I have to say in comparison to 'Arkham Asylum',the story was too short. I understand that the point of this game wasn't so much the plot but more the shire vastness of your area to play in and completing side quests but in this instance I enjoy doing those things within the main objective to keep everything neat. Now the story is finished and I don't know where I am. I also haven't found all the character's bios which you get by interacting with the person but without the main story as a guide I have no clue where to go.But then maybe that's me being a lazy gamer.

Also the Riddler's trophies and riddles. In the first game these were my favourite things to look for and figure out. They were clever and made you want to look for them all. Now they, mainly the trophies, have taken over the whole bloody city. I love the fact the Riddler has more to do in this game but my map is covered in question marks and its coming to the point where I can't be bothered to figure out how to retrieve the trophies and just look on a walk through.

Despite these minor downfalls I really enjoyed this game and hope there is a third. (Don't worry, no spoilers) With how this game finished I REALLY want another game. It can't end like that.

As I say not as good as the first but still another addition to make Batman fans proud. I give this game a Gothic salute.>^^<

Down the rabbit hole...

Ok, time for another game.

For my next review I decided to choose 'Alice, Madness Returns'. I am a huge Alice fan reading the books (Looking Glass Wars by Frank Baddor is an excellent take on the tale), watching the films, listening to the songs (Hypnogaja - Looking Glass) and playing the games. For months I had been trying to find the PC game 'Alice' as it looked exactly like the kind of game I would love.
Amazing then that when the new game came out last year it would also have the bonus content of the first game. I nearly wet myself. But didn't. Because I got the game as a birthday present and that wouldn't have been good for my rep...not that I have one..SO...Alice...ooooo.

Don't let the concept of a children's story fool you. This is one dark and twisted tale of a girl in a very dire situation.
In the first game Alice is woken from her sleep by a voice in her head (The Mad Hatter) telling her to wake up. She does to find her home on fire. With the help of her cat Dinah, she jumps out the window, escaping death. Unlike her family. Now Alice is thrown into her own world of madness, filled with guilt, thinking her family's fate was her doing. This has a chain reaction on Wonderland, turning friends to foes and calm into chaos. With the help of the Cheshire Cat and (while he's around) the White Rabbit, Alice must find the cause of her madness to once again be at peace.

Fast forward a year. This is where the second game starts. Alice is talking to Dr Angus Bumby where he keeps repeating for her to forget but all she can see is her Wonderland worst off then ever and once again succumbs to its chaos. The goal of this game is to get Alice's memories back and find the truth behind the night of the fire and thus restoring Wonderland.

Ok, so I'm coming to the conclusion that I enjoy games based on the human mind because like Psychonauts this game is imaginative with American McGee's interpretation of what Alice's mind would do to Wonderland and how she sees the world.

The characters of this game are all interesting and engaging and each one is important to helping Alice, no matter how big their role is. Alice herself gives this game a very creepy edge. Although a likeable heroine who has speed and agility on her side, she has a calm air about her no matter what she's faced with as if she is used to these sorts of events, not to give anything away but as an example when she sees Hatter for the first time or behind the theatre in the 'Deluded Depths'. Not reacting in the way a 'normal' person would, gives her that insane personality that is needed to complete the game.
In my eyes, the best character is the Cheshire Cat. Roger. L Jackson provides the voice and has the wonderfully wise yet sarcastic and slightly patronising tone that the cat needs to get Alice to do what is needed. I love his look and the fact he can pop up at any time makes him a much anticipated character.

The combat controls are really easy to use tho at times in the heat of an epic battle, you can forget which button controls what and you try to hurt blood thirsty dolls with an umbrella or deflecting fire balls with a tea pot, but once you get the hang of it you have a awesome inventory of death object.

The shrink state is very cool by helping to see things in a level that you couldn't see in full size such as platforms and hints. I do however at times forget that in this state you can only run. You can't fight or jump so this meant I fell a lot because I was too busy looking for my next platform or too intrigued buy the clue drawings. Also because I like to collect and explore everything in a game I spent a lot of time being small and this does knacker your left index finger.

The worlds are visually stunning and the script is witty and cryptic, keeping you interested and curious to know the games secrets. I didn't fully understand the stories meaning so I went to Alice Wiki which is a fantastic site to read up on the plot, character backgrounds and things you may have missed the first time round.

Also I would recommend getting the DLC for the game. On Xbox it is only 160 points but you get 6 new costumes and four new skins for your weapons. I think you can all guess which is the one I'm currently using >^^< . All costumes have a benefit such as staying smaller for longer and taking less damage. Its not necessary to have but it can help and its always good to have a larger choice in wardrobe. Right girls?

 

I'll now wrap this up by saying this. Don't judge this game by its cover. It's dark, it's twisted and the story lasts a lot longer then some other game that are out right now. You will defo get your money's worth and with the way it ended I really hope they will bring out a sequel soon. This game receives a gothic salute. Now give in to madness.... >^^<

A great one to start with:

What better game to start my reviewing with then one of my favorite's and I feel, until recently, unappreciated games to come to the x-box/PS2/PC.

The set up, a young boy named Razputin runs away from his family and the circus to Whispering Peaks to find the Psychic Summer Camp. Told he is not allowed to join without his parents consent, his father is called but until he arrives Raz must wait in the grounds to be picked up. Whilst there, Raz finds all is not what it seems and there is evil lurking in the quite camp site. Will Raz save the day? And will he ever live his dream of becoming a member of the...

Some of you may look at this and say "Yes, great game, makes me want milk and pie" and you people deserve a cookie. The rest of you will think "Never heard of it" in which case get it now from Steam or get hit with a fish because that's what you deserve. The only person that would miss out on getting this game is you and your stupid face.

Psychonauts is an eye pleasing, boredom filling, joke spilling, witty bantering masterpiece that only comes along once in a while. Made by Tim Schafer this game is a wonderland of levels including platforms, hidden objects and combat in which you must use psychic powers to overcome your enemies and after learning each ability you receive a Brownie style badge which, lets face it, if the Girlguides were handing out badges for these skills, we would all be members.

The characters are well thought out with backgrounds, magnetic personality's and the way the game gives its version of memories, mind blocks, baggage and all things to do with the human psyche you can't be anything but impressed with the developers imagination with how they are presented.

Visually the game is stunning but no level shows off the beautiful and eye pleasing artwork as the mind of Edgar Teglee, a Spanish artist who after losing his love becomes obsessed with matadors and bullfighting. Once in his world the screen is filled with a contrast of dark streets and neon color's. 

Every characters mind fits well with their story and is entertaining from start to finish. 

Edgar's Mind

I must admit that playing through the game, when you reach the last few levels, the difficulty does go way up (not even the bosses, just getting to them) and you get to a part where theres no way back so the opportunity to complete any unfinished tasks go out the window (which I hate. I'm a 100% completion kind of goth) but other then that I have no complaints. This game rocks.

I don't want to say too much else on the story as it will spoil your gaming experience but I must express my love for the two levels 'The Milkman Conspiracy ' and 'Lungfishopolis' in that order. 

Oh and I must mention that after an ending that seems to promise a sequel, at long last it looks like a 'Psychonauts 2' is being considered if the problem of a publisher can be resolved. Fingers crossed it will be out this year.

Right, after an hour  of writing this (yes I know it's not a long review but I had to do my research and consider my words carefully with expressing the AMAZINGNESS of this game) I shall let you go and buy this game as I know it is the first thing you will be doing. This game receives a gothic salute. Have fun >^^<